Chapter 1

The image of yellow tape and bystanders began to fade as Shan's eyes were glued to the rearview mirror as the thought of Brianna being gone forever twisted up her insides. The only thing she had now was the memories of her road dawg, her sister, her best friend . . . Brianna was gone. "Why, B? This can't be happening." She slowly turned the corner and was lost in thought. Then minutes later she pulled up into a busy Memphis service station on Chelsea. This joint was always jumpin'. They called it "In and Out" as well as "The Corner Grocery." She needed to gas up, get some more snacks and call her brother, Peanut.

She flipped open her cell phone and dialed her brother. Apparently he checked the caller ID because he started screaming on her as soon as he answered it.

"Yo, I was hoping you changed your mind. Why you gotta be so damned hardheaded? Way the fuck out in California, and driving on top of that! How the fuck am I supposed to be able to look out for you?" He spazzed out on her.

"She's dead, Peanut," she whispered.

"What? I can't hear you."

"She's dead . . . Brianna. She's gone."

"Yo, back up. And speak up, maine." His Memphis accent was no longer subtle.

Shan let out a huge sigh. "I said she's dead, Peanut. Brianna is dead."

"What? W-what happened? What are you talking about?" Peanut didn't want to believe what he was hearing.

Shan swallowed and exhaled before speaking. "She took her own life, Peanut. My girl blew her own brains out." Shan started talking to herself, now oblivious to Peanut being on the line. "I can't believe those words are coming out of my mouth. I wasn't there for her. Why didn't she say something when she came to see me?" She swiped at the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. "Why would she go out like that?"

"Shan," Peanut yelled into the phone. "Where are you? How did you find this out?" Peanut was pacing back and forth. "Aww damn. No, not Brianna. Are you sure?" His voice cracked. Even though he was mad at her for doing him dirty, by setting him up to be robbed, he couldn't deny he still had love for her.

"I wasn't there for her, Peanut," Shan mumbled, ignoring her only brother.

"Where are you, Shan? I'm coming to get you. Where is Brianna?"

"You wasn't there for her neither and now she's gone," Shan sobbed.

"Shan. Where the fuck are you?" he pleaded. "Come on, baby girl. Tell your big brother where you are."

"It doesn't matter. I'm out."

"What you mean it doesn't matter? This shit doesn't make any sense. You mean to tell me that our sister Brianna is dead, and she killed herself ? Come at me better than that."

"It is what it is, Peanut. I'm out of here. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'm grown, remember? Plus, I'm already on the road."

"Well get off the fuckin' road and come back home. How the fuck you gonna up and leave after this shit? You don't need to be leaving like this."

"I'll call you every couple of hours." She ended the call and turned off her phone.

"Shan! Shan!" Peanut yelled before he threw the phone at the wall.

Shan got out of the car and filled up her tank. Placing the nozzle back into its slot, she headed inside. The scent of grilled hot dogs smacked her in the face and made her nauseous. She grabbed a handbasket and a few napkins and covered her nose.

She began walking the aisles, filling up the basket with graham crackers, smoked turkey, bagels, cream cheese, orange juice, ginger ale and a few pieces of fresh fruit. She backtracked and threw in paper cups, napkins, plates and plasticware. She paid for the items along with the gas and headed for her car.

After she got everything situated, she slumped into the driver's seat and squeezed her eyes shut. She began to tremble. She saw Brianna. Her face was crystal clear. She had this huge smile on her face.

"B, why the fuck are you smiling?" Shan screamed. "Bitch, you left me here and think the shit is funny? Why the fuck did you blow your brains out? Was life that bad, B? You took the sucka's way out! Why, B? You could have waited a few more hours. I was coming for you!" She reached in the bag that she had packed for Brianna. "See?" she yelled out. "I was coming to get you. You could have waited. We was going to Hollywood, bitch!" She began pulling the clothes out of the bag. "Look at this, B. I was coming for you. Me and you. I forgave you.

"Peanut is home now, B. I had so much to tell you, about the setup, Forever and Briggen being fuckin' blood brothers and I'm getting ready to be a mommy," she sobbed as she smoothed out Brianna's clothes as if she were getting ready to put them on. "You were getting ready to be an auntie, bitch. See what you are going to miss out on!" she screamed. "That nigga Forever, he wanted me to get an abortion. But I said, ?Fuck him.' I'm a rida. I don't need him to help me with my baby. If he wants to be a fuckin' sperm donor, so what! It's his loss. Between me, his uncle and auntie, this baby will be spoiled rotten and won't want for nothing. B, I was feelin' Forever. But he was only playin' me to get his dick wet and to get paid. I still can't believe I was that dumb. Shit's really been crazy." She wiped her tears away and continued to talk. "And that bitch Nyla, I know she was behind the setup. I bet you could have brought that bitch for a penny when I didn't show up. Good lookin', B.

"Oh wait." Shan grabbed her bag and pulled out an envelope. "This is the letter that you sent me. I was so mad at you that I never bothered to open it. I brought it with me so that you could read it to me while I drove." Her hands were shaking as she opened up the envelope, pulled out the letter and saw the check for seven thousand dollars. "Damn you, Brianna." She gritted her teeth as she looked at the check again. She proceeded to read the letter. After she finished she balled it up and threw it forcefully at the window. Then she began banging on the steering wheel and screaming.

She was unaware of the figure standing in front of her window tapping on the glass. "Shan! Shan!" Briggen looked at the bags sprawled across the front seat. Where the fuck is she off to? He felt his heart rate speed up. "Shan!" He banged harder on the glass. "Open the door!" he ordered.

She looked up at him and like a robot she unlocked the door. He snatched it open. "Are you hurt? What the fuck is going on?" He was looking her over for signs of foul play. He breathed a sigh of relief when she appeared to be fine . . . physically. But emotionally, he sensed that she wasn't right. "Where are you on your way to?" he gently asked her.

"Why?" she snapped. "And where did you come from?"

"What do you mean why? I did you a favor, remember? I'm on your team. If you're gettin' ready to bounce at least you can tell me."

She glared up at him, embarrassed to be caught like this. "Where did you come from, Calvin?" She called him by his government name.

"You in my hood, Shan. I have businesses in this area, remember? I own this gas station." He smirked. "So, can you tell me where are you on your way to?"

"It's none of your concern, Briggen, so what difference does it make?"

He took a handkerchief out of his back pocket, squatted down and began to dry her face. "You're in no shape to be on the road. Look at you. You got your shit all packed. I'm worried about you. What the fuck has you so upset?"

She took the handkerchief from him and blew her nose. "I'm okay," she blurted unconvincingly.

"Woman, please. Like hell you are. You're gonna tell me something. Who and what are you running from?"

"I told you, it's none of your business. Now can you please move so that I can be on my way?"

"I ain't going nowhere until you tell me where you're going and why you look like you're having a nervous breakdown."

She sucked her teeth and blushed once again from embarrassment as she went to start the engine. He snatched the keys out of her hand.

"What do you think you're doing, Briggen?" She was almost screaming.

"If you want to be on your merry way, then I suggest you start talking."

"Unngghh," she growled. "You are such a pain in the ass, Briggen," she pouted as she banged her head back against the headrest. "Since you must know, I'm moving to the West Coast and my best friend just blew her fuckin' brains out. There! Now can I have my keys?"

"Who you talking about? Which girl? The one I met at the club?"

She nodded her head yes and the tears began flowing once again.

"Damn. That's fucked up. I'm sorry to hear that." He used his thumbs to dry more tears off her cheeks. "Why the West Coast? That's kind of far, isn't it? You got peoples out there?" She shook her head no. "Nobody?"

"No, Briggen. I just need to get as far away from here as possible. I need a fresh start."

"Baby, that's too far. Plus you don't know anybody. I'm not feelin' that at all, Shan. And you're driving? Nah, I ain't feelin' that."

"I didn't ask you how you felt about it."

"I still ain't with that. It's too far, and you're traveling by yourself? That's not a smart move, baby girl. Don't you think you should rethink this? At least for a week or two. Give yourself a chance to get your head right. Fo'real. You really need to rethink this. You are not in your right mind." He began thinking out loud. "Nah. You can't have these keys back." He stood up and yelled, "Hey, Woo! Come here, maine."

Shan jumped out of the car and began following him. "Briggen, give me my damn keys. You ain't my damn daddy." She was trying to grab them out of his hands. He threw them to Woo, who snatched them out of the air. "Briggen, now . . . is . . . not the time," she stammered. "Why are you doing this?"

"Somebody has to do it. You're not being rational."

"Rational!" she screeched as she screwed her face up. "Spell rational! Nigga, I am a grown- ass woman."

"So? You're still not being rational." He grabbed her hand. "Get into my car. Woo is gonna drive yours and follow us."

"Follow? Nigga, you have lost your fuckin' mind. Give me my damn keys, Briggen." She stomped in place as he held open the passenger door to his Denali. "I'm not going nowhere with you. Remember what happened the last time I was with you!" She was referring to the asswhooping his girls had put on her at his club.

"Seriously, baby girl. We need to map out a plan. You can't just up and go somewhere without having a plan. What's the rush? The West Coast ain't goin' nowhere. We need to map shit out."

"We? We? We need to map shit out? When did you learn French? We don't need to do shit. You can get the fuck on so I can go on about mine." She was still standing in her same spot looking like a spoiled brat who was just told that she couldn't go outside to play.

"After I'm sure that you got a plan you can get your keys back. Now come on, get in my ride, it's starting to rain," he commanded.

"I have a plan, Briggen." She turned to Woo, who was getting into her car. "Can I have my keys please?" Briggen smiled at her, not wanting to believe he was going to get a second chance with her. He slammed the door and locked it. "Come on, Shan. Get in now. It's raining." Briggen watched her as she stomped over to the Denali and climbed in.

After they had been driving for ten minutes in silence, she asked, "Where are we going?"

"To my place. Why?"

"Well, how far is it? I need to use the bathroom."

A few minutes later Briggen pulled into a Waffle House on Raleigh Street in Lagrange.

"I need my cell phone."

"Where is it?"

"In my car."

"I'll get that while you use the restroom."

She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes at him. "I'm sure you will." She got out and slammed the door.

When she came out of the bathroom, Briggen was standing at her car talking to Woo. He passed her the cell phone.

"Glad you rejoined us. I was wondering if you were going to jump out the back window and try to escape. What happened? They got bars on the window? And you look like you saw a ghost." Woo was trying not to laugh at Briggen's wisecracks.

Shan ignored him and headed to the Denali. As soon as she got in she called Peanut.

"Yo, Shan. Where the fuck are you?" Peanut barked into the phone. "You need to stop bullshittin' around. I'm worried about you, maine."

"Peanut, I'm bleeding. It's coming out in clots," she whispered as she looked out the side view mirror for Briggen. "Meet me at the emergency room. I think I lost the baby."

"What baby?"

"I'm pregnant, Peanut."

"Pregnant? By who? How? When the fuck was you gonna tell your brother? And don't say it's by that nigga at the prison!" he screamed on her.

"Okay . . . I won't say it then."

"I'ma kill that nigga and all of his family!"

"Peanut, stop it. Just meet me at the hospital." Briggen jumped in the ride just as she ended the call. "I need you to take me to the hospital. I still have to make my doctor's appointment."

"Hospital? What's wrong?"

"I'm scheduled for a physical. My job requires it before I transfer."

"Why at the hospital?" Briggen was skeptical.

"My doctor's office is on Med Place, Briggen. That's why. Now do you need any more info? If not then drop me off and I'll call you when I'm finished. It'll give me some time to clear my head."

"You don't want me to stay? Why do I feel like this is a trick?"

"Don't worry, it's not." Her stomach was cramping. "You got my car, and here, take my cell. I'll call you when I'm ready." She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, trying to hide the fact that she was in pain.

Copyright © 2008 by Wahida Clark