Author Interview: A CONVERSATION WITH -- Lois...
A CONVERSATION WITH -- Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D.
Author of NICE GIRLS DON'T GET THE CORNER OFFICE:
101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers
Q. NICE GIRLS DON'T GET THE CORNER OFFICE contains 101 career "don'ts." No woman is making all of these mistakes at once, so how will readers know how to proceed?
A. You're right. Most women could not make all 101 mistakes if they tried. But most women do make more than one. I offer a self-assessment in chapter 1. This book offers a way for women to identify and modify specific self-defeating behaviors that they may not even know were standing between them and that coveted corner office.
Q. How should women compete in this "game" we call a workplace?
A. Let's face it, the workplace is just that: a game. It has rules and boundaries, winners and losers, and what's worse, is that the rules change all the time. In our desire to create win-win situations, women often unknowingly create win-lose ones (where the woman is the loser). I'm not suggesting anyone is out to cause others to fail, but business is competitive. It means that women have to be aware of the rules and develop strategies for making them work to their advantage.
Q. Women tend to try so hard in the workplace-shouldn't that be enough?
A. There's a popular saying: Women have to work twice as hard to be half as good. And as a result, women are always complaining that they do more than everyone else# and they do. The truth is, no one ever got promoted purely because of hard work. Likeability, strategic thinking, networking, and being a team player are just a few very important factors that go into crafting a successful career.
Q. You mention "likeability," how important is it for women to be liked in the workplace?
A. Women often make the mistake of needing to be liked. It's critical for women to understand the difference between being liked and being respected. A girl's need to be liked will preclude her from taking the kinds of risks taken by women who are respected. However, be warned that fear of being perceived as a pushover causes some women to adopt the attitude, "I'm not here to win a popularity contest." Well, I'm here to tell you, yes you are.
Q. You say that changing a woman's "nice girl" image can be as easy as changing her physical appearance-from wardrobe to hairstyles to posture. Can you give some examples?
A. We've all been told to dress for success, but there's much more to a woman's appearance than her clothes. There is an inverse proportion of the length of a woman's hair to her age. A neat, well-styled, and low-maintenance cut is viewed as professional. And for heaven's sake, she should avoid playing with it. When was the last time you saw a man pull out a mirror and check his hair?
When attending meetings, women tend to follow the rules learned in childhood for keeping their elbows off the table and sitting coyly with their hands under the table. In meetings, a woman should lean forward slightly, resting her forearms on the table with her hands lightly clasped. Not only will this make her appear more involved in the conversation, but it will also put her in the perfect position to gesture when needed. And a woman should also avoid sitting on her foot-could you imagine Donald Trump or George W. Bush doing this?
Q. When is it ok to display "nice girl" behavior in the office?
A. There are lots of exceptions to the rules. For instance, normally I'd tell women that "unless you're Betty Crocker, there shouldn't be home-baked cookies, M&M's, or any kind of goodies on your desk." However, should a woman find that her boss comes into her office frequently to snack, she can use this strategy to get more face time.
Copyright © 2004 Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D.